Silence is Golden

I've been busy enjoying my organized and calmer life. I stopped blogging and hadn't logged in for sometime, which might make one wonder. But in this case, it's not a bad sign. I'm in a really good place... not many readers and not much time :) so I took a break from blogging.  Thanks for checking in Northwoman!

I've been doing really well, and feel like I have taken control of several parts of my life that were out of control: anxiety and drinking. Why do I think I am where I am today? My husband is amazingly supportive, I probably should have been taking antidepressants to help control anxiety all along. Also, reading the fabulous blogs of women who had similar challenges to me, who were successful at getting unstuck, is unquestionably instrumental. I know I'll have challenges ahead, but I've crossed a major hurdle. How many days? 82. 

During the first month of not drinking I held out hope that the antidepressants would kick in, but I was nervous, which is not a good place to be for someone who uses alcohol to cope. With support from my husband and my sister I held on. The drugs did eventually help. Now I just don't have that nervous edge any more. I can "talk myself off the ledge" much easier. I'm also more focused on setting myself up for success. Eating well, sleeping well (which has not been easy) and  (when possible) not putting myself into situations that will make me overly anxious. I'm happy and proud of myself, though I do sometimes kick myself for not "getting it together" a decade (or two!) earlier. Onward though! I have potential to do great things.

I ran my half marathon and though, I didn't hit my target time I was happy with the results. I worked hard and pushed through a cold and windy finish. Distance running is definitely a metaphor for life. Yeah, I would have liked the race to end with a "PR" and say "look at me, I'm so strong, I stopped drinking, I'm faster and better." But, we're all flawed, not perfect and mostly, just doing our best sometimes being hit with unexpected obstacles.